Should You Romance a Woman on Dates?

Friday, January 8, 20100 comments

Here's a familiar story...

- Boy meets girl
- Boy gets girl's number
- Boy calls up girl and sets up the first date.
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes leaving planeImage by Waponi via Flickr

- Boy shows up on girl's doorstep with flowers (or a fancy gift), brings her to an expensive restaurant and talks about how he REALLY likes her.
- Girl quickly ends the date and doesn't answer any of his follow-up phone calls.

This is familiar because it's something that almost every guy has done at some point in his dating life.

The truth is we've all been PROGRAMMED to behave this way. In your average romantic movie, the male character wins over a girl's affection by professing his undying love. And if you've ever watched one of these movies with a girl, you'll see how emotional and choked up she gets.

So naturally, it seems logical to think that romantic gestures on your first couple of dates are the best way to attract her interest.

My question is - Should you be romantic when you first meet a woman?
The short answer is NO. And here's the reason why...

==> Men and women approach dating in different ways. Guys pretty much know they like a girl before the date begins. If she's attractive and seems interesting, they're already hooked.

For guys, the first couple of dates is the time where they're obsessed with proving themselves (and maybe get a little action)! And the one way that's been proven to work is to do the "romantic" gestures we see "working" in Hollywood movies.

==> Women on the other hand, view dating as a way to "qualify" a guy. Sure she might be interested, but in truth she's also subconsciously looking for the specific qualities which can ELIMINATE a guy as a potential dating partner.

ONE wrong move and you'll get the "Let's Just Be Friends" speech!

So when a guy comes on too strong with the romantic gestures, it means that the guy show that you really don't care about who she is as a person. Instead you're giving away your power and showing that you're already into her before she's even proven herself.

A woman wants to feel like she's EARNED a guy's interest. And not solely because of her looks. While she's still trying to figure him out, he's already demonstrating his interest.

So what do women want from men?

The answer is all girls are looking for one primary thing :


Sexual attraction is that feeling she gets when she's with a guy who resonates in the EMOTIONAL side of her mind.

You can't create this feeling by buying her gifts or being romantic. These actions only speak to the LOGICAL side of her mind.

To create sexual attraction, you have to demonstrate the qualities of someone who makes a woman feel excited and stimulated. For instance, the qualities include :

• Challenging her actions and statements
• Using humor to tease and banter
• Showing a spontaneous attitude
• Demonstrating a high level of confidence
• Being trustworthy with a little bit of danger
• Showing independence in your life
• Making her feel important

Now the last quality can be a little confusing. :-)

Most guys act romantic because they THINK they're trying to make her feel important.
This is wrong because at first she's done nothing to prove herself.

With that being said, you want to show you're interested & make her feel important as you're getting to know her. So while you should never show up on your first couple of dates with an armful of roses, you should show your interest IF she's passing your tests and meets your standards.

In other words, if you're having a great time and she meets the qualities that you're looking for, then you can start showing that she's earning your approval.

Finally, I want to emphasize one important thing...

You ALWAYS want to want to be a gentleman (ie: Opening the door, leading her with your body language, and paying for the first date). But at the same time, you want to also tease and create the sexual tension that's necessary for attraction.

So ditch the romantic gestures on your first couple of dates, act like a gentleman and use this time to find out if she's right for you!

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